


Sommeil

by aspenrunes



Series: in dreams [2]
Category: ROTTMNT - Fandom, TMNT - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Family, Fire, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Nightmares, Recovery, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24269338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aspenrunes/pseuds/aspenrunes
Summary: Taking place right after the previous fic, Merci, the bros are still processing and recovering from the battle against the shredder.  Don, Mikey, and Raph are stuck in bad dreams, and Leo can't sleep.
Series: in dreams [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1623040
Comments: 21
Kudos: 101





	1. Opening

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone who encouraged me in Merci <3  
> This story will be a bit longer & I'll post it over time as opposed to how I posted all of Merci on one night.
> 
> A quick heads up to anyone who needs to watch out for this stuff that there might be some 'unreality' or generally disorienting parts during the nightmares, and there will be death mention or implied later on (I haven't written those parts out yet so idk how much it'll be)
> 
> & if anyone wants to keep up with where I am, see other content related to this (I also draw sometimes), or so on, I created a blog specifically to post about these things at: [aspenrunes.tumblr.com](https://aspenrunes.tumblr.com/)  
> & I also post fanart on instagram @[clearnerdfire](https://www.instagram.com/clearnerdfire/)

_ you’ve done well today, and still you ask yourself  
‘what could I have done better?’ _

_ perhaps not a strife for perfection.you know that doesn’t exist.  
not tangibly. _

_ so are you not satisfied?  
you’re not discontented with your work.you can’t answer. _

_ but you feel the need to do better.continuously striving for greater heights.  
to rise, to rise.you’ve done well and you can do better.be more._

_ and icarus dons his wings again _

* * *

It was the night after Leon’s and Don’s talk down in the lab. It was the night after the party, and they were just finishing up cleaning up their mess from the event.

Raphael had been secretly keeping an eye on Leo and Donnie all day. He didn’t know what Leo had said to Donnie last night or what had happened, but clearly something was up since they’d both been a bit… ‘off’ since then. Donnie hadn’t locked himself up in his lab again (yet) since since then, which was good, but he’d noticed Leo casting Don looks every now and then, and Leo was going out of his way to keep quiet about whatever it was they’d spoke about.

They’d all known something was up with Don, and had all tried to speak to him - Leo being the only one who appeared to’ve gotten through - so it wasn’t a secret that something was up that Leo seemed to know about now, and Raph had no clue why they hadn’t told him or Mikey yet. He didn’t want to pry, but clearly _something_ had happened and he couldn’t help from wanting to know what it was.

And so, while they were all relaxing after having cleaned up the party mess, Raph silently watched them from the other side of the room: trying not to draw attention to himself while having no clue how obvious he was.

-

Leo sighed as he put the last knick knack back into place. Don was sitting on a counter next to him, on his phone. As usual.

“You think you’re ready to tell them?” Leo murmured to him. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Raph’s been staring at us all day- he knows something’s up.”

“I’ve noticed,” Don replied. “I managed to sneak a few pics of him while pretending I was doing other things on my phone. Look.” Leo looked over as Donnie held up his phone to show him the screen, on it a picture of Raph staring, intently, directly at the camera. There were options on the bottom for a variety of filters, stickers, and other editing features. Donnie began tapping the button for filters, each adding their own features such as cats ears, enlarged eyes, etc. Don spoke as he hit each filter.

“He’s a cat, he’s an owl, here he is surrounded by bees, and now he’s Jupiter Jim.”

Leo looked on as Donnie flipped through, surprised when a filter putting Raph in Jupiter Jim’s outfit appeared on screen. “They have a Jupiter Jim filter now?”

“No, I made it. I couldn’t sleep last night. Do you want me to install it on your phone too?”

Leo hesitated. The admission to having trouble sleeping was a little worrying, especially now that he knew what was bugging Don so much, but he dropped that thought for now. This wasn’t really the time, and, besides, he did want that filter.

“Yeah, that’d be cool, thanks.”

Donnie nodded, looked at his phone again, and then closed the apps he had been on.

“I’ll have to ask Raph, Mikey, and April if they want the filter too- so I can do everyone’s at once. Not right now, though.” He put his phone away.

“So you’re ready?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, let’s go.”

With that settled, Leo lead the way to where Raph was, calling and waving Mikey over as he did.

“What’s up?” Mikey asked as he walked over to them.

“There’s something we need to talk about…” Leo started.

Mikey frowned, catching the note of hesitation in Leo’s voice and recognizing the uncertainty in his eyes as he glanced back at Don. This was something serious. “Should we sit down for this?”

“Uh- yeah, sure. That’s a good idea.”

“So,” Raph huffed as he sat down and looked over at Leon and Don, “You two ready to spill the beans?”

Mikey looked over at Raph, confused about what he meant. Donnie answered.

“Yes.” Don paused for a second to lightly clear his throat, thinking over what to say. He looked at the ground in the middle of them all as he talked; this was difficult for him. “It has been brought to my attention that I might have _worried_ you guys by staying in my lab so much, declining to go to the party, and so on…”

Raph sat up straighter. He’d had a hunch that that was what this was about; he stayed quiet and continued listening. Meanwhile, Mikey nodded at Don’s words.

Don continued. “…and I know that I might have told you guys it was because I was too busy to go out- which I was busy. I have been. Very Busy.”

Leo frowned. “Don.”

“Right. Well, as you may have guessed, I was staying in there for other reasons as well…” he paused to look up at Raph and Mikey. “I… I know you guys keep saying that everything’s okay now, since The Shredder’s put away and we don’t have to fight him anymore, and we’re all _alive_ so that’s that, and I was telling myself that for a while at first too… but it really hasn’t felt okay. And when I went down to my lab and started going through everything, I realized just how bad it was…”

Mikey exhaled. He’d had a feeling that that was what this was about; he’d tried to bring it up to Donnie before the party only to get shut down, and he was glad Don was admitting to it now. Even if it was a bit late. He opened his mouth to speak, but Raph was faster.

“What happened?” Raph asked, purely focused on Donnie at this point. “Did you find something?”

Donnie hesitated again. His gaze drifted back to the ground, “Yeah… I was looking through the scraps of the battle shell I was wearing when we fought him and… well… He tore through it. Completely.”

Leon’s gaze slid slowly from Donnie to Raph. “He has scratches on his shell,” Leo explained. “I didn’t see any blood or anything, but it’s still not pretty.”

Don tensed. ’ _Not pretty_ ’ that was a way to describe it. It was bad enough he was out here humiliating himself in front of-

 _No_.

His brothers cared and they deserved to know the truth. Donnie took a deep breath to recollect himself before he could spiral again. Being open and honest like this was exhausting, but it was necessary to move past this.

“Don,” Raph spoke gently. Donnie knew that voice- Raph was worried, and because of that, Don refused to look at him. If he was making that face again- looking at him as if he was made of glass… D _hated_ that look. Seeing that expression would be too much.

Still, Raph continued speaking. “Can I see?”

Don sighed. After all, he’d already known that he would have to at least show Raph. Since Raph knew about the scratches now, he wouldn’t be able to sleep unless he could confirm for himself that they weren’t too bad.

“Yeah.” Don pulled off his hoodie and turned around so they could see the marks for themselves. He thought he could hear a faint gasp behind him as he revealed his shell, but didn’t turn back around again just yet.

Raph’s voice was a whisper of restraint - the tell of a thinly veiled fury - when he spoke again.

_“Shred-face did this to you?”_

That was a rhetoric question of course. Donnie knew that.

“Yeah. In retrospect, it is in the name that he shreds things.”

And with that, Donnie turned around to face them again and put his hoodie back on.

“The Shredder did a number on all of us though,” Don continued to Raph. Leon looked away at that comment. “He knocked you out cold while you were in your powered up, kaiju, mode, and-” Don paused as he looked over at Mikey.

Mikey who was sitting there with his hands over his mouth and tears in his eyes, shaking, straining to hold himself together, and Don recalled that comment he’d made to Leo the night before about Mikey self projecting. He’d only said that comment as a means to deflect from what Leo had wanted to talk about, but perhaps he should have thought more into it.

After all, in the fight against The Shredder, Mikey had seen plan after plan ahead of him fail in the blink of an eye. He had watched his older brothers, who were supposed to be fighting beside him, fall like flies. _Had he heard Don’s screams when The Shredder tore his battle shell into confetti?_

By the time that beast was hurtling toward Mikey, he was the last one of them left standing there. He’d been alone too- perhaps even more than Don had felt because he must have known that there was no chance of his brothers coming to help him in that moment. They were already down for the count and he was next. How _terrifying_ must that have been?

Don’s voice dropped down to a whisper. _How could he not have realized?_

“Mikey…”

Noting the change in Donnie’s tone, Leo looked back at them again to see what was wrong. He reflexively jumped up to try and comfort Mikey, “Mikey- Hey- it’s okay-”

 _ **“No it’s not okay!”**_ Mikey burst, furious, tears flying. “We keep telling ourselves that everything’s _okay_ and it’s _fine_ but it’s **not**!”

Leo winced; he hadn’t meant it like that. Those words had come out by themselves out of habit. He’d accidentally made it worse, and now Mikey was full on sobbing. He sat frozen as Donnie moved past him to hug Mikey, and then, swallowing any guilt he might have felt, went in for the hug as well. Last was the familiar feeling of Raph’s arms around them all: safe.

“We’re all here for you, Mikey,” Leon whispered.

“I want everything to be okay,” Mikey choked. “I- I’ve been trying to tell myself that it’s okay cause it’s done ‘nd you guys seemed okay- but I’ve been so scared, and it’s- it’s like it’s following me, and I’m scared, guys. I don’t know what to do- I feel like I should, but nothing works and I’m still scared!”

“I’ve been staying in my lab for the same reason,” Don admitted, his conversation with Leo from the other night coming back to mind. “I just… it’s been impossible to _not_ think about what happened. It was something bigger than all of us, and beyond dangerous. Yet we’ve all been kind of pretending like it didn’t happen; pretending like we’re not bothered by it; pretending everything’s the same as it was before. But it’s not.”

By this point Mikey had started to recollect himself: breathing calmer, tears slower. Still a little shaky, but his anger had faded and in its place fatigue had started to crawl in. The hug ended and they all sat back.

Donnie sighed. “I don’t particularly like sharing how I feel, but I’ve been… terrified, too. Honestly I think we’re all very lucky to be alive. If Shredder had been just a tiny bit more…”

A chill drifted through the room as that thought nestled into them. Raph suppressed a shudder and looked down at his brothers. They all looked so tired, so downhearted. So small.

“We didn’t know what we were dealin with,” he admitted, “and hopefully we’ll never have to deal with him again, but I think we should step up our training so nothin like that happens again.” Small nods of agreement rippled through the group. Raph stood up. “Not tonight though. It’s late- let’s get some rest and we can talk about it more in the morning.”

Donnie stood up and stretched. “That sounds good; I’m exhausted.”

“Me too,” Mikey said, following suit. “And, Donnie- thank you for telling us about your shell and how you’re feeling and everything. I know it must’ve been hard for you, and it means a lot. And-” he paused as Leo got up to look at all of them, “I’m glad to have you guys as my brothers. I love y’all.”

Tired smiles spread across their faces as Donnie, Leo, and Raph murmured how they love him back. After that, Don, Mikey, and Raph went to leave to their bedrooms.

Raph paused in the doorway to look back at Leo, noticing that he’d stayed behind.

“You okay?” Raph asked.

Leo looked up at him, vaguely surprised at the question at first, but quickly giving Raph a reassuring smile. “Yeah. I’m just not super tired right now- you guys can go ahead, I’ll sleep later.”

The faintest trace of a frown lingered on Raph’s face. He was still worried, as always. “Alright. I’ll see you in the morning, then.” He never pushed.

“Goodnight.”

Raph hesitated in the doorway for one more heartbeat before turning and walking away. Leo waited until the sounds of their footsteps faded and silence filled the lair before leaving up into the city.


	2. April

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo remembers April exists, but prepare to press f in chat folks bc this fic isn't about her so she only shows up for this one chapter

Leo leapt between buildings as the night routine of the city played below. There were no crickets or owls or other night creatures like that out here: instead his nights were filled with the familiar sounds of cars, distant shouts and conversations, more cars, and the humming of a thousand window ACs. This was his lullaby. He wouldn’t want it any other way.

He paused for a moment to take in the scene from roofs. He loved his brothers and being around others of course, but there was a certain solace he could only find in solitude. Sometimes he needed space to simply let himself _be_. A break from responsibilities and things happening all the time. And so much had happened, but not to him. Not really.

A flickering in the corner of his eye caught his attention, and he looked over the see a moth darting around and charging at a billboard’s lightbulb. Its wings caught the light every few seconds as it danced wildly, as if it were signaling to him.

And it had no clue where it was or what it was doing, did it? Blinded by the light and needing it desperately. Did it even remember what the world looked like while it was trapped here, under its spell, or was its memory of the world the reason why it flew so wildly?

Leo couldn’t help but wonder if if he covered up the light would it realize where it was and fly away?

There was only one way to find out.

Leo jumped up to the platform, watched the moth for another second, and then put his hands over the bulb. He watched in silence as the moth continued its path only to land on the back of his hands as the light vanished from its view. It crawled over his fingers, then hesitated, before taking off into again into the night.

And suddenly the heat of the lightbulb hit him.

Leo hissed in pain as he reflexively jerked his hands away and fell backwards off of the platform back onto the roof. He landed on his shell with a thud and laid there, winded, for a moment as the stinging in his hands faded into a notable burn, and another few moments as that faded into a manageable warmth.

That was… very stupid thinking back on it now, but it had been neat seeing the moth crawl on his hand like that. He couldn’t bring himself to regret it.

And, laying here now, he had a perfect view of the night sky. There wasn’t a cloud in sight: only the muted dark hues of everything beyond and the city lights illuminating everything from below him. Leo took out his phone and pulled up a constellation app, and like this he could see the stars. He snickered inwardly as his eyes caught sight of a constellation of stars on the app titled ‘Leo’. _There he was._

And here he was, laying on a rooftop looking up at the sky again. The smile dropped from his face and the hand holding his phone up fell onto his chest. Leon sighed. Here he was.

_And where was he when his brothers had needed him?_ Where he needed to be. So what was this heaviness eating at his heart, then? Why was it so hard to breathe, hard to speak, when they talked about it?

They were his brothers, and he cared about them, yeah. Of course he didn’t want to see them hurt, but it was more than that. It was something that _felt_ more than that. It was…

He could feel the frown setting in on his face. The sky didn’t respond. Everything out here seemed the same as always, despite everything, and he still couldn’t see the stars from the city. He closed his eyes.

_Was he doubting himself?_

He laid there - thinking, pondering, reflecting - until the morning birds started to sing and he realized that hours had passed. The stars had never showed themselves.

He sat up, looked over the roof’s ridge, and noticed the dawn’s pastels slipping over the horizon. It was the next day, but he wasn’t ready to go back to the lair. Not yet.

-

She was tired. April had resorted to putting a pillow over her head to muffle the noise when an onslaught of tapping and knocks tormented her in her sleep. It wasn’t until she heard the sound of scratching on wood that she threw off the pillow and sat up- her first thought being that it was Mischief getting into trouble. She then put on her glasses and saw Leon at her window.

He grinned and waved at her as they made eye contact.

She groaned as she slid off the bed and opened the window to let him in.

“Can’t a girl sleep-in on the weekend?” She said as he moved past her. She closed the window and turned around to face him. “What do you need?”

“Oh, I don’t need anything. I was just in the neighborhood and thought I’d drop by- also, I’m pretty sure it’s Monday today?” He pulled out his phone to check.

“What?” Fear pricked through her for a second. She glanced at her alarm clock across the room, but it was covered by her pillow. “No, it’s Sunday, isn’t it?”

Leo sucked in air and gave a sympathetic grimace as he showed her his phone. “I’m afraid not.”

April’s heart sank in horror as she looked at the screen. It _was_ Monday, which meant-

“ _I’m late for school,_ ” she gasped. A second later she had leapt over her bed and was throwing everything she needed out of her closet. The next second she was standing over her bed cramming things into her backpack. She spoke frantically, “I’m sorry Leo, but I’ve really gotta go-” A realization hit her. “Do you think you could portal me to school?”

He shrugged apologetically. “Sorry, I didn’t bring my sword with me.” He hardly left without it, but it had completely slipped his mind last night; what was _up_ with him lately? “But I can make you some toast or something.”

That was a bummer, but breakfast was a good idea. “Yeah, I’ll take the toast- thanks.”

“Okay,” he stepped towards the door, “do you want some coffee too?” _Did she even drink coffee?_ He couldn’t remember.

“Yeah, coffee sounds great,” she went back in the closet.

Leo stepped into the doorway. “Okay, but one last question- what do I say if I see your parents?”

“Oh- they should be gone by now- they leave for work early.”

Leon frowned. She’d known them for years, and if he didn’t know better, he’d think that she was keeping her parents a secret from them. He left to the kitchen without another word.

It only took a moment to pop some bread in the toaster. He then turned around to see they’d gotten a new coffee maker. It was one of those fancy ones where there was the option to make single servings of coffee- which was useful here, but… it had so many buttons. The old one just had an on and off switch, but this one had a little screen on it and at least three buttons - he had to assume there were more somewhere because none of them looked like the power button.

But whatever- it was just a coffeemaker. He could figure it out.

Dancing around the kitchen, Leon managed to put water in the machine, find out where the coffee grounds for it were and where to put it in, grabbed out a travel mug, and then set to work on finding out where the power switch for the machine was.

It wasn’t on the front, so he immediately looked in the back and there it was. A wave of pride washed over him; he was so smart.

He flicked it on and right away the machine began to hum. A message flickered on the screen saying it was heating up the water. _Nice._ This would be easy-peasy, and the toast should be ready any second now.

He moved to grab the butter out of the fridge, and when he turned back around saw April rushing in.

“Hey,” he smiled, “Everything’s almost done here. I noticed you guys got a new-”

“Sorry- can’t talk right now-” she said as she flung her bag onto a chair and spun around to leave again. “I’m not done yet.” She rushed away to the bathroom.

Dejection washed away his grin. “Right,” he murmured. In the silence that followed, he started to wonder how April was doing after the whole Shredder ordeal.

The toast popped up.

Leo pushed his earlier thoughts away for now and got to work on buttering. By the time he was done with that the coffeemaker had heated up, so he put the cup in and set to work to figuring out how to make the coffee.

It was easy enough at first. The screen labeled what to do in each step, but then he got to the point where he had to choose how much coffee to make. The options were all shown in number ounces. He didn’t know how much an ounce was (and did anyone really?).

He didn’t want it to accidentally overflow, so he clicked on the smallest option first. The machine hummed again as it took up some water and coffee started to pour into the cup. A few moments later it stopped. Leo peered into the cup. There was barely any coffee there. April would probably want more than just a few drops- _why was that even an option anyways?_

Leo fixed the cup back under the machine and went through the steps again, but this time clicked on the middle option for the size. He leaned back against the counter and watched the machine as it set back to work. The hum lasted longer this time as it took in more water, and a wariness set over Leon. That hum sounded a lot like the one Splinter would make when he was judging him. But the coffee maker wasn’t alive- it wasn’t judging him… probably...

Coffee flowed into the cup again, and he watched it. Satisfaction hit him as the coffee rose over half-way in the cup, he wouldn’t need to go through this process again, but that satisfaction dropped into more wariness and then distress as the coffee continued to flow and continued still.

Soon it was reaching near the top of the mug- it was too much- it was going to overflow! But maybe if he grabbed the cup, poured some in the sink, and then put it back quickly enough it wouldn’t spill-

He grabbed the cup, and as he pulled it away toward the sink the machine sputtered- getting some hot coffee onto his hand and arm. Leon switched the cup to his other hand and shook off the one that got coffee on it while pouring some of the excess in the cup into the sink. He let out a low hiss of annoyance. The machine sputtered a few more times, as if it was laughing at him, before stopping altogether.

“You okay?” April’s voice came from behind him.

Leon turned around to see her standing there, finishing her hair.

“Yeah,” he answered. “I got a little bit of coffee on my hand, but it’s fine. How much sugar and stuff do you want in it?”

April put on her jacket. “I can drink it plain.”

A chill went up Leon’s shell. He struggled not to grimace. “A-are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay…” he put the lid on the mug. She was more powerful than he would ever be. He handed her the toast as she finished putting on her backpack, and his earlier thought came back to mind.

“Hey, April?” he asked carefully as she took the toast. “I know you’re in a rush right now, but can I ask how you’re doing? After the whole ‘dark armor, Shredder’ deal and all that?”

April paused, and then looked at him: both curious and worried.

“I’m doing alright,” she answered. “I mean- it was a lot at the time, and maybe sometimes it’s still a bit stressful, but I think we did a good job and overall I’m doing okay.”

That was… pretty much on par with how he was feeling prior to finding out what happened to Donnie, and then seeing Mikey break into tears…

“…Are you sure?” he asked. “I heard things got more intense after I left.”

Her eyebrows raised for a moment, and then her face softened, as if she’d realized something.

“Yeah, I’m alright. And, so you know, it’s not your fault that things got more intense. You did what you had to to stop the fight, and your plan worked. No one blames you for having to leave.”

“Right,” he murmured, and then gave her a tired smile. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Can I have my coffee now? I really need to leave.”

He’d completely forgotten. “Right!” He handed over her coffee and followed her out of the apartment.

“Sorry if I’ve made you any later,” he said. Leon watched as she balanced her toast on top of her mug’s lid and locked the door.

“Hey, if you hadn’t shown up, I might still be sleeping right now. Thanks for getting me up and making breakfast.”

He shrugged, grinning and practically glowing from her thanks.

“What are friends for.”

April did one last mental check to make sure she had everything she needed, and then she was all set.

“I’m off,” she announced as she started to leave. “I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Okay!” Leon waved as he watched her put the toast in her mouth and run off. He stood in the empty hall for another moment, until she was gone, before his smile faded and he went home.

* * *

_it’s terrible, I know it is _

_ but sometimes I find myself wishing that I would screw up as badly as I fear I did  
(or could have, or should have) _

_ because then I would have a reason to be feeling this way_


	3. Donatello

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie is having another nightmare about The Shredder, and also the moon is fake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my internet sucks & y'all would not believe how many times I've tried to post this...
> 
> Heads up that I've added poems to the previous chapters (beginning of the first and end of the second) so if you didn't have a reason to refresh on what's happened, there you go. (also fixed all my typos where I'd put 'liar' instead of 'lair' ashjfsk)
> 
> Additionally, due to the nature of nightmares & the battle it's about, heads up that this chapter may be more intense than others and (speaking as someone with ptsd) may be upsetting for victims of assault.  
> Potential CW for: depictions of fear, being trapped

It didn’t take long to get back to the lair. Leo didn’t know what time it was and he didn’t bother checking, but it was still morning by the time he got back. The others were still asleep.

He didn’t say a word as he walked down the halls. Water churned through the sewer pipes. Its sound filled the walls like a muffled, omnipresent, washing machine. He could hear Raph’s muffled snores in the other room, and cars passing above. There were always cars. This is what peace sounded like, and for a moment it felt like maybe everything was alright. Maybe it’d be alright. Leon retired into his bedroom and flopped down onto his bed.

The bed always seemed like the comfiest and simultaneously most uncomfortable place in existence. And every bed was exactly like this. He never wanted to move once he laid down, yet he could never stay still. Sometimes he thought maybe it was his shell making him uncomfortable, that maybe it was being this turtle human fusion made his bones weird and uncomfortable when he sat or laid down, but his brothers didn’t seem to have this problem. He didn’t have a name for it aside from, maybe, insomnia, but he didn’t see a reason to have a name for it when nothing worked to fix it.

After tossing and turning for however long, Leo finally decided to get back up at the sound of his stomach starting to growl. If he was going to be awake he might as well get something to eat.

He made his way back into the hall. It sounded like the others were still sleeping: Raph’s snores continued to echo throughout the lair and Mikey was usually loud when he woke up, so the silence meant he was still asleep. Leo poked his head into Don’s room as he passed. Still asleep.

He ducked back out of the room and made his way to the kitchen.

* * *

He was at the docks again.

Why did he have to be at the docks again?

It seemed he’d found himself here every night since **that night**. That he’d had this dream on repeat since then, and could dream of nothing else. Granted, at least he wasn’t as afraid anymore. Knowing it was a dream helped some, and he had felt more at ease after that talk with Leo in his lab. Not to mention that maybe he was starting to become a bit desensitized to it at this point, but still… It was tiring nonetheless.

Donatello looked up the walls of crates that surrounded him. The moon was just as bright as ever, but here he was in the shadows. Closed in in this place that was becoming all too familiar to him. Almost like a second home. He didn’t want to make a home here. He was tired of this taking up so much of his focus.

Still, he couldn’t leave. That’s not how this dream worked.

Raph’s voice, angry and yelling as he fought The Shredder, echoed through the metal walls. The noise and the knowledge of what was about to come stifled him. Don realized he was holding his staff too close to his chest, practically hugging it. He was tense. Nerves.

A deep breath in- slowly. Hold to five. Out, slowly. Count to five.

His breath out was shakier than he liked, but it would be fine. This was a dream and he would be fine. Don intentionally relaxed his shoulders and examined his staff. As with all of his tech, it was an extension of himself, but with his bo staff the connection was deeper than that.

He’d always had an interest in technology, engineering, and the sciences, but even before he had become engulfed by his tech he had a staff.

When he was younger and still learning, before his tech bo, he had a white wood lotus bo staff. It was lightweight, and he was nimble. His brothers could never keep up with how fast he was, but he still wasn’t strong enough to do anything of meaning so his speed was ultimately pointless. They hardly felt his staff through their hard shells, and he ended up losing most of their spars because of it.

Then the incident happened that lead to him developing his battle shell, and soon after he traded in his old white wood lotus staff for the heavier, newly developed, tech bo. Technology started to encase his whole life, and he became one with it.

Another deep breath in. Hold. Out. Don’t forget to count. Controlled breaths.

He looked ahead to where The Shredder would be arriving from. Not here yet, but soon. He could still hear the creature fighting Raph in the distance.

Although it was a dream, he considered going to find Raph to fight by his side. He’d tried that before and gotten lost in the maze of crates. The Shredder grabbed and attacked him from behind that time. In the dark where he couldn’t see. On the bright side, at least he’d woken up from that one nearly immediately, but he’d yelled and startled the real Raph who had run in to check on him. He’d lied about falling off the bed. He had still been on the bed. Raph had looked on, clearly worried, but hadn’t said anything. Raph never pushed.

Don felt almost guilty about it. Granted, he didn’t actively encourage it, or he didn’t think he did, but he didn’t do anything to stop it either. It was just easier to not talk about it. He didn’t want to talk about it. Some days, most days, he didn’t want to feel. He was almost jealous of his tech in that respect.

Something swept over him- a breeze perhaps? There was no one here yet aside from him, but his nerves were crawling back. The distant noise had faded and, following in its place, came a loud silence. He couldn’t hear anything. He was alone. He felt like he was being watched. **Was he being watched?**

He gazed up at the towering crates surrounding him. Nothing. Not even stars above. Only a full, oddly translucent, moon. It looked fake. This was a dream, so it was fake. Fake moon, shadow walls of metal, unending corridors of crates.

Breathe out. He’d forgotten to count.

His rising shudder was only suppressed by the weight on his shoulders: his battle shell. Safe.

“We’ll be ready,” Don murmured to himself. That’s what Leo had told him in the lab- that they’d be ready next time, and if he was going to be dreaming of this anyways, maybe he could use this as practice.

His hands were shaking. He adjusted his grip on his staff, tightening and loosening it a few times, and remembered to breathe. He had his battle shell, he had his staff, he had his tech on stand-by. Count to five. Exhale.

This was a dream. Nothing could actually happen to him here. He’d wake up at some point, like he always did, and everything was going to be fine. This wasn’t real.

A clatter sounded down the path in front of him. Metal scraped on metal. Don moved into a sturdy stance and stared into the darkness, ready.

Like a train, The Shredder’s eyes appeared, cutting through the darkness, and then the beast was upon him.

His tech zipped past him, kicking up the air, to be met with metal shrieks as The Shredder marred his creations. Don fought to keep his breath steady, to keep from shaking. His hands tightened on his staff again. One, two, three.

A flash.

The creature hissed as Don’s staff caught its wrist, blocking a blow.

‘ _Watch its claws.’_ The other hand.

The creature swung again. One hand, the other, reaching claws. Don swung his staff between the two, deflecting blows from both hands like a rapid game of ping pong. His feet slowly stepped backwards to give him more room against the monster’s advances, his eyes focused purely on where to strike. Up, right, left, down, **up**.

The creature howled and stumbled back as Don thwacked it under the chin.

Glee overcame him - he’d actually managed to score a significant hit! Don couldn’t help but show a toothy grin and he laughed.

Maybe he should try to run while he had the chance, though. He glanced around. This place seemed less intimidating now that he wasn’t terrified. Maybe he could find his way to the water where Mikey was supposed to be waiting.

This was a dream though. There was no guarantee that Mikey would be there or that he’d even be able to find his way to the water.

And it was okay to not run, right? He already knew he couldn’t take The Shredder alone, but this was a dream so he couldn’t actually get hurt. He would just wake up if things got too bad.

_‘Don’t.’_

Don’t **what**? Where had that thought even come from?

He could feel his nerves crawling up on him again, and the creature was ready to lunge at him once more.

Don held his staff up to block the next blow, but instead of aiming for him, the creature grabbed his staff with both hands, took it in his mouth, and bit through. The crunch and snap of the metal reverberated through his bones like thunder. His heart felt hollowed. Dizzy. He couldn’t feel his arms. His tech bo…

The Shredder threw the two end pieces to the ground and chomped through the center piece, still in its mouth, as it approached Donnie. Wires fizzled and popped between its fangs.

This was only a dream. Don backed up slowly, keeping his eyes on the beast as it stalked after him. Their gazes locked. He almost wanted to plead with it, as if that would make a difference. This was only a dream. His staff was a part of him. He knew he should have run.

He knew it was a dream. He didn’t care about that anymore; he didn’t want to be here. He wanted to wake up.

_‘Stop.’_

Don spun on his heel and made a run for it, but before he could get in two strides, The Shredder had him by the ankle. Don huffed as his plastron hit the ground, and tried to dig his fingernails in the ground as he felt the creature pulling him back towards it. He screamed.

“No, n-no, **No!** ”

He clawed at the ground, trying to heave himself out of the monster’s grasp, then the first blow hit and he was on the ground again, air forced out of him. He needed to wake up.

Wake up!

He wasn’t waking up; he didn’t understand why his body was keeping him here. Why couldn’t he-

The breath caught in his throat as another blow hit, carving deeper into his armor. He squeezed his eyes shut.

“ **Wake Up!** ” He yelled at himself. Why would his useless body keep sleeping through this? Everything else, and now he couldn’t even wake up correctly too?

He was forced into the ground again as another blow hit his back. This time, as the blow retreated, Don could feel his battle shell start to lift off of him and his hands grabbed onto the shoulder straps in a panic. He started to wonder if this was really a dream.

_‘You need to let go.’_

Of his battle shell? No- he couldn’t do that, that was stupid. Why would he even think that? That didn’t even sound like his thoughts.

However, he needed to do **something**. He needed to do something to protect himself or throw The Shredder off balance. Maybe he could still get away.

The next blow was coming.

Don swung out behind him, turning onto his side, to knock The Shredder’s swooping hand away with the metal band on his arm. The creature snatched his wrist in its claws in retaliation. He struggled to pull his arm away and kicked out at the creature's legs but its grip didn’t loosen. He could feel the tears on his face, but his vision didn’t blur. This had to be a dream. That still didn’t matter when he couldn’t wake up. The thoughts that didn’t sound like him tried to speak again, but Don couldn’t make them out over his own screaming and the terrified fury in his bones.

“ **Let Me Go!** ”

The monster roared back at him, snapping the metal band on his wrist. His hand felt like needles, fire, and static. Was this a dream? He felt sick. The band pinged as it hit the ground and the sound made him want to cry. He had already been crying, but it felt like it reminded him of something and he didn’t know what. Familiar. He didn’t want to be here.

The creature grabbed the back of his head and pushed him back to the ground. He cradled his static hand closer to him and tried to breathe. Despite everything else, and amongst the fear, he couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was disappointed in him.

 _My tech is a part of me,_ he thought, as if whoever was disappointed would hear him- would hear his thoughts like this. As if he needed to justify why he fought so hard to them, justify why he was trying to defend himself like this, justify his decisions, his hurt.

The next blow would take off his battle shell. His shell…

Maybe he was about to wake up. Hopefully.

He didn’t need to look to see that The Shredder’s claws were about to come down again. This was **his** dream after all. He squeezed his eyes shut and waited.

And waited.

He waited.

The ground beneath him was solid, he could feel it as clear as the tension in his bones and ever fiber in his body. He waited, eyes shut tight. There was no sound, he waited.

He didn’t know when it happened. There wasn’t a specific moment when it left, it had just vanished at some point that didn’t belong to time. But eventually he noticed that the weight pushing him down was gone. There were no claws on the back of his head. They’d never left, and they’d never been there. It had felt too real.

He opened his eyes to an obsidian world. An inky black that lacked direction. It was everywhere. He was nowhere. He was here. The ground felt solid beneath him.

Don sat up; his hands slid onto his knees. His hand didn’t feel like static and needles anymore. The fire had faded into a manageable warm. The metal band was back on his wrist, but noticeably cracked and broken.

While looking around at the infinite black around him, he noticed he wasn’t wearing his battle shell anymore. It felt like he was still wearing it, but he couldn’t see it on his shoulders. Maybe his body was just feeling the weight of his blankets. Dreams.

He looked up to where the sky should be. The full moon still hung there, fake as ever, but it didn’t feel translucent anymore. He had a feeling he knew where those other thoughts had come from.

He exhaled slowly, counted to five, and then pulled himself to his feet and turned around.

The Shredder was tied up, hanging upside-down in thick, silky white webs. Hung in an infinite sky, the white rope stretched up until it reached darkness and faded. The Shredder didn’t respond, as if it was asleep. He should feel safe now, The Shredder couldn’t attack him like this, but Don couldn’t help but feel uneasy as he looked on.

 _“Oh.”_ the moon cooed to him, as if it had just noticed the scene. _“Are you afraid of spiders too?”_

He didn't wake up.


	4. Michaelangelo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael gets dream therapy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being Very Different from the outline, and, after having to take care of my younger sister having another sleepwalking encounter while I was writing this, the opening ended up becoming a bit longer than I'd planned too. 
> 
> Hope yall enjoy this, this is prob going to be the chillest chapter in the story

Leo lost track of the time. He had meant to only come into the kitchen for some cereal, but started watching videos on his phone while he ate and the next thing he knew another few hours had passed. It was around lunch time now.

It felt too late to try and get in some sleep at this point, but this wasn’t the first time he’d pulled an accidental all-nighter. He decided to have some coffee for now and try to sleep again later tonight.

So he fixed himself some coffee. He added plenty of milk and a generous amount of sugar, just the way he liked it. The memory of April’s coffee machine from this morning, and her ability to drink plain coffee, came to mind, and he shuddered. He would never understand how people could drink coffee plain like that. That must take a lot of willpower.

Coffee in hand, he turned to face the room and looked around to find emptiness and silence. He was the only one there.

Which was odd. Usually the others would be up by now, and they should have come to grab something to eat. Concern gnawed at him. He decided to go check on them.

Leo could hear Raph’s snoring again as he stepped into the hall. Raph was definitely still asleep; Leo figured he didn’t need to check on him right now. Instead, Leo poked into Donnie’s room.

Don was asleep on his bed, stomach down, with his weighted blanket draped over his shoulders. He didn’t stir. Leo left the room to go check on Mikey.

Mikey wasn’t in bed, and by the looks of it Mikey hadn’t been using the sleepwalking vest they (Donnie) had made for him.

Leon knew that Mikey must still be asleep because that kid was loud as heck when awake, but, conversely, when he was sleepwalking he was like a ghost.

In a silent fury, Leo dug through the room, leaving no space unchecked and nothing unturned as he searched for Mikey.

Mikey wasn’t there.

Biting down his rising fear, Leo dashed back to his room and grabbed his sword. It was partially a comfort thing, he felt more secure holding it, but also he could search places more quickly with portals. While Mikey didn’t used to go far, as he’d neared 13 he started leaving the lair and going farther and farther during his sleepwalking escapades. They’d found him in places such as the park, April’s house, the subway, the Hidden City’s annual baking competition (which he had somehow entered while asleep?), and once at Todd’s place where he was tucked in under a pile of puppies with Todd reading them a story.

Mikey could be anywhere.

Leo figured he should check the lair first though, just in case. ‘Leave no stone unturned’ and all that. Plus if he _did_ need to do a manhunt through the city, he’d need help. Even with portals, there was no way he was going to search the entire city for a sleepwalking ninja on his own.

In a worried fury, Leo swept through the lair checking every room. Not in the TV room. Not in the kitchen. Not in the training room. Not in Donnie’s lab. He doubled back into Don’s lab as he realized what blueprints were set out on the desk. S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N.

Leo picked up a pen and quickly scrawled on one of the corners ‘be nice to bros, no favorites’ and then left the lab to check the hang-out room- where they’d talked last night.

Leon didn’t see anything at first, but as he was about to leave an odd shadow grabbed his attention. He looked up to see the outline of a shell on top of one of the larger pipes all the way up near the ceiling.

**Found him.**

Leo climbed up to the pipe Mikey was on and then frowned. He was entirely in his shell, the poor kid. He must still be upset, even in dreams. Carefully, Leon made his way next to Mikey and judged how high up they were. He was glad he’d grabbed his sword.

He gripped the hilt of his sword and cut a portal into the air below them before grabbing Mikey and jumping in. They emerged at the bottom of the room: what seemed twenty stories below where they had been a second ago.

In retrospect, Leon realized that maybe he should have portalled them directly to Mikey’s room, but this was fine.

He hauled Mikey up and carried him back to his room.

* * *

It was cold.

He had tried to tell himself that everything was alright. He knew it wasn’t, and now everything felt cold.

Another shaky breath in and out. He felt all cried out, but this feeling hadn’t left.

They were all so, so lucky to still be here, weren’t they? Clearly they’d been closer to losing Don than they knew before, and he was so lucky that The Shredder hadn’t really been interested in him, wasn’t he?

Mikey exhaled again. He wished they’d never had to fight that monster in the first place.

Of course they couldn’t just let it destroy New York, but they were still kids and that was just-

He shuddered.

Imagine if Dad had just done what he’d been tasked to do from the start: protect the pieces of The Dark Armor so The Shredder couldn’t have been summoned.

Was he mad at Dad? It felt like he might be a little bit- and he still could’ve had a life with fun and being a movie star and stuff. As far as he knew, the Foot Clan hadn’t even started getting the armor pieces until recently-

but he and his brothers could have prevented it too if they’d taken those guys more seriously early on. But they didn’t know- Dad hadn't really told them about this stuff. Not before it was too late. He felt sick.

Mikey groaned.

_‘What are you doing?’_

He tensed. He didn’t recognize that voice, and he couldn’t figure out where it’d come from. It sounded almost like it came from in his own head, but he knew it wasn’t his thoughts. He couldn't explain how, he just **knew**.

“…What?”

_“What are you doing, Turtle Boy?”_

What **was** he doing? “…I don’t know… I’m hiding?”

_“Why?”_

Mikey hesitated to look around for the speaker before answering. He couldn’t see anything. Everything was pitch black in every direction. He frowned.

“I’m afraid.”

_“Is it because of that creature in the armor with glowing eyes and claws that cut through metal?”_

The breath caught in Mikey’s throat as The Shredder came to mind. Donnie’s screams. The beast lunging his way when he was the only one left. He tried to curl up only to find he was already curled up. He curled up tighter.

_“That creature isn’t here. You’re safe.”_

“I don’t feel safe.”

_“Why not?”_

Mikey looked around again. He still couldn’t see anything. Lost in a void.

“Who are you?”

_“…What? What are you talking about?”_

The voice sounded genuinely confused by that, and that fact puzzled him. It was a pretty basic question; he didn’t understand how that could confuse someone. Still, he decided to try something else.

“Can you show yourself?”

_“Are you ready to come out of your shell?”_

Was he in his shell? He hadn’t realized…

A deep breath in... then out. Mikey relaxed, stretched out of his shell, and looked around. He knew this place.

He got up and walked to the edge of the roof. He was on a waterside building. There was a bridge he could see from here; he liked to watch the cars driving across it from up here sometimes, but there were no cars now. None of the power in the city looked to be working, and he couldn’t see any people either. The full moon worked alone to illuminate the city. He felt alone too. The city was silent.

 _“It’s peaceful up here,”_ the voice spoke. Mikey nearly jumped; he’d forgotten about them. _“Do you visit this place often?”_

“Sometimes I hang out on the rooftops with my brothers… I still can’t see you.”

_“Turn around.”_

He turned to look behind him. Further back on the roof, where the face would be if someone were standing there, was another, smaller, moon floating in the air. Except it wasn’t a moon. Everything about it seemed off. It was almost as if it was there, but also it wasn’t. Like it was see-through, but he couldn’t see through it, and like it was supposed to be three-dimensional (like how the moon usually is three-dimensional?) but in a backwards way where it was inside-out and flat and folded it on itself, but somehow still felt like a sphere. Like that’s what it was supposed to be, but something went wrong.

Like a glitch.

They opened their eyes, two void black slates, and looked back at Mikey.

“I’m dreaming,” Mikey murmured. He’d meant for that to be a question, but he already knew the answer. He could feel it.

The false moon didn't have a mouth. They smiled with their eyes instead and chuckled. _“If you say so.”_ They slid over to stand beside him and looked out at the view.

That was a weird response. Of course this was a dream.

Everything about this seemed weird though. Then again, dreams could get pretty weird. So maybe this was him trying to process everything that had been happening? Everything felt so confusing and overwhelming lately… He felt crushed beneath it all.

Mikey looked back out at the view. The moon’s light shimmered on and off of the waves: a hushed waltz between the moon and the water. It calmed him like a lullaby. He sat down on the roof’s edge to watch it, and breathed. The moon-figure let him have this moment of silence. Mikey agreed with what they’d said earlier: it was peaceful up here. It was nice.

He sighed. This **was** nice, but he could already feel his earlier thoughts creeping back. He might as well try to think through this some more. Maybe talking it out with this dream character would help. Dreams were supposed to be a way to speak to your subconscious or something like that, right?

“What should I do?”

The figure hesitated. Mikey wasn’t looking at them, but he could feel their gaze turn to him.

_“What do you mean?”_

He pulled a knee up to his chest and hugged it close to him, resting his head on his kneepad as he answered. “Like- with everything? I don’t know. It’s just, so much happened and I can’t stop thinking about it, and I don’t know what to do with it. I just feel… lost.

“Usually I go to my family when I need support, and I love them and all, but since… **The Shredder** , for some reason I just haven’t been able to? We’re all having a bad time right now because of what happened, and I know it was none of our faults, but… I keep getting angry. Angry at them, at me, at the universe for letting it happen…

“I don’t want to be alone, but every time I think about it I start getting angry again or, when I'm not angry, too scared to think- and I start thinking about it every time I’m around them, and they’re dealing with their own pain too, it’s just-” he hissed in frustration.

**“It’s not fair.”**

_“...Yet it happened.”_

Mikey watched the water more intensely, his face burned as self-consciousness crawled over him.

“I know life isn’t always fair,” he stated. He wasn’t an idiot. “But it doesn’t need to be that messed up either.”

The figure hummed in thought. _“I don’t think there’s much more I can say other than ‘I’m sorry that you had to go through that. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this.’ It’s okay to be angry sometimes, though. You were hurt, and your family was hurt, in something that was beyond terrifying. Perhaps even traumatic. And now you’re left having to figure out how to continue your life where you left off… but everything must feel so different now, I imagine.”_

Mikey nodded. As the figure spoke, he could feel the burning in his face settle down to a manageable warmth, and the tears started to rise again. He let them come.

“I just… don’t know what to do. I feel like I should, but I don’t, and I just want to feel better already. And I don’t know where to start.”

_“Well, perhaps a change of scenery could help. Change things up a bit, go to a new place, maybe meet some new people. Give yourself a break from the same patterns, get some fresh air, make some new memories. How does that sound?”_

His gaze trailed away. “…maybe.” It made sense, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to leave the lair yet. Especially on his own.

_“Do you not want to?”_

“I don’t know what I want.”

_“Hm. Well, you have time. You don’t need to figure that out right now.”_

Something about that filled him with relief. Mikey exhaled. “Thanks.”

The figure went quiet again. Mikey watched the light on the waves. It pushed and pulled at his heart, trying to lull him toward a deeper sleep. He was so tired, but he stayed in the dream. The water didn’t fade and the moon was as bright as ever.

_“Are you staying here?”_

Mikey looked up at that question. A vague outline of where a body should be was starting to form around the moon-figure. Their presence felt warm like smoke, and vaguely like static.

“What d’you mean?”

_“Are you staying here on the roof? I need to go. I was on my way home when I saw you.”_

“Oh. Yeah, I’m staying here.” He turned back to the water. He thought watching the waves would help him drift into deeper sleep. “Thanks for talking though.”

The figure nodded, and then they were gone. Not within a specific moment, but in something more encompassing. They hadn’t left; they’d never been there. It’d felt so real.

Mikey watched the water in silence. No cars passed over the bridge, no people walked in the city below him. The moonlight danced off of the water, singing him its silent lullaby. He waited to drift out of this dream into a deeper sleep. He didn’t, and he didn’t wake up.


	5. Raphael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo has no friends, and Splinter says that it's Raph's turn to confront the sleep paralysis demon.

Mikey was secure in his sleepwalking vest. Don was curled up under his blankets. Leo stood in Raph’s doorway and watched him sleep. His snores rumbled down the halls, echoing to oblivion and back.

He didn’t understand why they were still asleep. It was just sleep, so it was supposed to be harmless, right? It was something everyone did and had to do. This much sleep wasn’t normal, though.

Leo snapped out of his thoughts as his phone buzzed. A text from April. She had said that she would text him later when he saw her this morning, hadn’t she? This morning seemed like so long ago, and his thoughts of even trying to sleep had abandoned him the second he had made his coffee. Since then, a numb fatigue had wormed its way into his limbs, but the caffeine held his heart racing in his throat.

He opened the text. April was assigned a big school project; she couldn’t talk tonight.

That was fine. He wasn’t going to expect her to drop all of her responsibilities just to give him attention, and, besides, he had other friends… right?

He was the face guy: charming, charismatic, overall likable. Of course he had other friends, and they were…… uh…… Todd?

Wait, no, that couldn’t be right. Come to think of it, though, there were a lot of folks that really hated their guts.

 **Sunita!** The name hit him like a blast of light. Of course April’s girlfriend was his friend, but he also didn’t know her well enough to want to talk about personal stuff with her.

He did in fact have more than one friend though, so that’s what mattered.

Leo put away his phone and stepped into the room. Raph continued to snore. He wasn’t sure if anything was wrong, because what could be wrong- he couldn’t think of anything that could have caused this, but seeing one of them wake up should be enough to ease his growing anxiety.

“Raph…?” Leo reached out a hand to Raph’s shoulder, then his other hand too for good measure, and shook him. “Raph, are you awake?” He didn’t respond. Leo tried a few different angles of poking, prodding, shaking, and calling his name. Raph grumbled something under his breath and turned on his side away from Leo. He didn’t rise from his slumber.

Leon huffed. He didn’t understand. **Why** were they still sleeping? They couldn’t really be this tired, could they? Their sleep schedules had **just** gotten back to normal since the battle, the vast majority of their scrapes and bruises had healed by now. They didn’t really need to be sleeping this much **now,** did they?

Did they?

He wasn’t sure.

Without another sound, he turned and went back to the kitchen. He wasn’t particularly hungry, but it was just about dinner time. They had to be waking up soon, and he figured they’d be hungry when they did. Might as well make sure they had something to eat.

* * *

He was alone in the training room, as he wanted to be. He needed to work through this, and it was easier to work like this when there was no one else around. His brothers were probably sleeping at this hour anyhow, as they should be.

Natural, blue, light seeped through the cracks and dripped from the ceiling. It coated the walls. It hushed his nerves like a blanket. The moonlight never reached down into the lair like this; it didn’t occur to him to question why it was here now. It brought a thick air of sleepy numbness that he swore was cushioning his blows against the punching bag.

Raphael stopped. He grabbed the punching bag with both hands, and leaned forward to press his forehead into it. He stared at the ground. His vision blurred, his hands clenched the bag a little tighter, his mouth quivered. The air tensed in his throat.

He was starting to cry until a voice chimed from somewhere, from everywhere.

 _“Are you feeling lost too?”_ The voice emanated from the walls.

Raph stopped as the breath hitched in his throat and a chill rattled his shell. He blinked the tears from his eyes and stood upright to look around. There was no one else in sight. Had that been his own thoughts, or- ? No, that voice had clearly sounded like it came from somewhere else.

Raph frowned. “Who said that?”

He waited.

Silence.

Maybe it had been in his head.

Raph turned back to the punching bag.

 _“You turtles-”_ Raph froze. There was that voice again. _“-you’re all brothers, correct?”_

Raph narrowed his eyes in thought. Maybe if he talked to this guy, he’d be able to narrow down where they were and find them.

“Yeah…” where were they going with this?

_“It must be painful to see them hurting like this. Especially with what happened to the purple one’s shell. They’re terrified.”_

Icy fear struck his heart. Raph stepped away from the punching bag and looked around again, this time more frantically. What happened hadn’t left the family. He’d just learned about it himself. How did-

“How do you know that?”

_“I’ve spoken with them.”_

**There.** Raph spotted a pale face in the shadows and marched toward them.

“You expect me to believe they told you? They just barely told me about Don’s shell. **Who are you?** ”

They looked at him through dark eyes. _“You don’t know either?”_ The figure’s fatigue echoed off the walls. It almost sounded like their voice was coming from behind him. It was dizzying.

Raph shook his head. He didn’t know what this was other than maybe tricks to confuse him. He wasn’t buying it. He had more important things on his plate to worry about though.

“Look, I don’t know who you are, but if you’re here to cause trouble then you’d better back off or you’ll be dealin’ with me.”

_“I’m not… You seem very protective of your brothers.”_

Raph nodded. “I’m the oldest. They depend on me- I gotta look out for them.”

 _“Oh…”_ They looked Raph over. _“You feel guilty for what happened.”_

Raph tensed. “Wha-? How would you-”

_“It’s obvious, is it not? You think you’re responsible for them, something terrible happens, you blame yourself.”_

“I am responsible for them.”

_“Are you?”_

“Yeah- I’m the leader! I’m the one who’s supposed to make sure everything turns out okay.”

_“Do you think you failed?”_

Raph’s breath hitched, and he did a stiff shrug.

“Things coulda gone a lot better,” he admitted.

_“By the looks of it, things could have gone a lot worse.”_

Was this guy trying to comfort him? What were they doing exactly? Why were they even here?

Raph shook his head and crossed his arms. He turned his gaze away to the ground.

“The reason everyone got out okay was because of Leo. He just… **knew** what had to be done, and did it.” He looked back up at the figure. “Isn’t that something the leader’s supposed to do?”

_“And where were you?”_

“I was doing what I thought I needed to too- but looking back… it all sounds so dumb.”

_“Why is that?”_

Raph grimaced.

“Because I should've known better! Leo shouldn’t’ve had to go do his own thing cause I shoulda had it under control from the start- We should've worked harder to keep The Foot from getting the armor pieces in the first place, and when we were fighting The Shredder I shouldn’t’ve made us split up!”

Raph paused as he realized how loud he was getting. He didn’t mean to yell, he didn’t want to wake anyone, he just…

The figure watched him silently. Their head tilted a bit to the side as if they expected him to continue.

Raph took a deep breath. In, hold, and out.

“I’m the one who made us split up on the docks,” Raph explained. “And I shouldn’t’ve. That beast was too much for us to handle together, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me - why I thought it - but I was scared, and I guess I thought I might be able to take him alone - with my tonfas - then it wouldn’t be able to hurt my brothers anymore.”

His vision was starting to blur from tears again. He rubbed a forearm across his eyes.

_“…What did your brothers think of that?”_

“I didn’t tell 'em that much. I said we were gonna try to tire it out- that if we spread out our blows we might be able to tire him and I was gonna go first to land some big hits right off the bat.”

_“But that’s not what you were planning…”_

Raph’s gaze drifted away again.

“No… I was- …I was gonna try to drag it down into the sea and trap it down there… It knocked me out before we got to the water.”

The figure stared at him.

_“How were you planning on getting out of there? After trapping the beast?”_

Raph turned his gaze back to them, locking eyes.

“I wasn’t.”

They shifted uncomfortably.

_“That’s a lot of weight you’re carrying. You haven’t told your brothers this either, have you?”_

Raph shrugged again. Bitterness, aimed at himself, snapped at his insides.

“Why would I? I didn’t even get that far, and I don’t need them thinkin’ about that stuff anyhow…” He sighed. “But, thinkin’ back on it now, it was so stupid. I don’t know why I thought I could do that when we couldn’t handle Shredder together. And to make it worse, I left them to face it alone. And you’d think I’d know better than to let them fight alone.”

They tilted their head to the other side.

_“Do you have no faith in your brothers’ abilities?”_

“No- it’s not that, I’m just so much stronger than them- especially Donnie-”

_“Donnie? Is that the purple one?”_

Raph hesitated as he remembered that he didn’t know this figure. Why was he even talking to them? He’d told them so much without a second thought- why was he this stupid? Why did he feel so compelled to keep answering their questions?

He looked intently at the figure. He still couldn’t see their mouth. Their question continued to echo off the walls, to come from the walls: hounding him, surrounding him.

It was getting hard to breathe.

“Yes,” Raph choked. He thought he could vaguely hear the word _‘guilty’_ echoing around him again. But that wasn’t real, was it? It was only in his head; they didn’t know. They couldn’t know. Still-

“Don’s just really fragile-” Raph tried to explain. “He doesn’t have a hard shell like the rest of us, and **I know that** , I shouldn’t have left him alone!”

They nodded in thought.

_“When I spoke to him he said that his tech is a part of him, and that makes sense now. His inventions, especially his shell armor, appear to have saved him.”_

Raph growled in frustration. “But it wasn’t enough! His battle shell wasn’t made to protect him from things like Shredder-”

_“What was it made to protect him against, then?”_

“ **Me!** ”

The figure looked at him in silence. Raph tried to hold their gaze, hold his ground, but, with a shaky exhale, he crumbled. Raph sank to his knees as his vision blurred again. This time he could feel the warmth of the tears on his face, and they didn’t stop. His chest heaved as he began to sob. Guilty. _Guilty. **Guilty.**_

The figure’s eyes narrowed as they pieced it together.

_“There was an accident.”_

Raph sniffled and wiped his eyes again: pointlessly as the tears kept coming, replacing the ones he had wiped away.

“We were kids. An’ I- you know how when you’re startin’ to become a teenager an’ you start havin’ growth spurts and breaking things on accident cause you have to get used to how big you are ‘nd how strong you’re getting?”

_“Oh…”_

He sniffled again and swallowed his pain. Stupid. He wasn’t the one who’d gotten hurt.

“Yeah. We were training and I accidentally got him too hard on the shell- ‘nd I didn’t even know I could hit that hard. But he hit the ground hard, I still remember how it sounded, and he wouldn’t answer when I asked him if he was okay. He didn’t move for- …I don't know- it was probably a few minutes, but it felt like ages. And he didn’t say anything.”

The tears had stopped by now and Raph felt almost guilty for it. At the same time, he felt like he wasn’t allowed to cry over this. It was his fault, even if it was an accident. He wiped his face off again and took another deep breath.

“Don used to cry a lot before then. He was always really sensitive as a kid, and we said it was because of his soft shell… It was really scary seeing him quiet like that. He’d never done that before, and I’ve barely seen him cry since. It’s like a part of him broke that day, and it’s my fault…

“But that’s why Donnie made his battle shell. Because I hurt him.”

The figure exhaled. The shadows of their cloak crawled along the ground like tendrils, slowly consuming the floor.

_“It was an accident.”_

“That doesn’t change anything.”

_“That’s tragic. I’m sorry.”_

Raph looked down as he felt the shadows moving beneath him. Warm. They emanated static into his skin, his bones. He wanted a hug, and it felt like the shadows were trying to give him one. He could feel his body start to relax involuntarily. Tired. He ached for sleep.

Raph’s gaze drifted back up to the figure as the static reached his head. The air around him felt like a sauna. He was growing more drowsy. He blinked at them.

“What are you doing?”

The tendrils continued to crawl outward, towards the walls. The figure stared back at Raph.

 _“You feel it too?”_ The voice, all around him, shook him to his core. He could feel the sound in his bones. Raph focused on his breathing. In, hold, and out.

_“It doesn’t stop.”_

Something was wrong. It was this figure - whoever they were - they were doing something. He didn’t know what; it was getting hard to think. Static buzzed in his brain. Shadows moved up the walls, less like tendrils now and more like sections of a game unloading. Raph looked behind him. The door was still there. The air felt wrong. He breathed but it felt like there was less air there. He had to leave.

_“I keep expecting it to fade, but it doesn’t.”_

Shakily, Raph climbed up on his feet. His limbs didn’t want to work with him. Static buzzed. They were asleep. The air was sweltering against his skin. He felt like he was suffocating. He had to leave.

_“And I’m still stuck here.”_

They watched as Raph turned and trudged through the shadows back to the doorway.

_“You’re leaving…”_

They sounded almost betrayed. Genuinely hurt. Raph hesitated as he leaned against the doorway. He looked back. The figure hadn’t moved from where they stood. Although he couldn’t see anything on their face besides their eyes, they looked sad to him, but they didn’t move. He determined that they weren’t going to come after him.

The shadows were nearing the ceiling. His skin felt like it was burning.

He closed his eyes and hauled himself through the doorway.

_“I-”_

The figure’s voice vanished as Raph’s foot hit solid ground in the hallway. A chill swept over him as the heat vanished. The fatigue fell off of him. He could breathe again.

Raph opened his eyes and looked behind him, into the room, again. The figure was gone. Everything looked as it did before. Bathed in blue light. It was almost as if they’d never been there to begin with, but Raph knew that couldn’t be true. It had felt so real. It **had** to be real.

Raph turned to look around the hallway. There was no one else in sight. A red glow seeped down the walls. He didn’t know where it came from, all of the lights were off. That didn’t matter, though.

The figure - whoever they were - said that they’d talked to his brothers too. He didn’t know what was up with that guy - who they were, where did they come from, where did they go - but he needed to make sure his brothers were okay. None of what had happened in that room was normal. He could only guess that that must have been some sort of yokai, and he had no clue what they wanted from him and his brothers but he had a bad feeling about it.

Raph rushed through the silent halls toward his brothers’ rooms. He poked his head into Leo’s room first. Empty.

Raph took in a breath. That was fine. Leo had a hard time sleeping a lot, and he had said that he wasn’t tired earlier- after their conversation. He was probably in the kitchen having a cup of tea or something. This was fine.

He hurried to Donnie’s room and stuck his head in. Empty. Raph clenched his jaw. This was fine. Donnie sometimes worked on projects when he couldn’t sleep. He had probably had trouble falling asleep again and went to his lab. This was okay.

He took another breath and went to peer into Mikey’s room. There was nobody there. Raph started to shake. Fine, this was fine. Maybe they’d fallen asleep watching movies again. Mikey had been upset when they’d talked earlier so maybe he’d decided to watch something to help him feel better and then fallen asleep there. That made sense.

He decided to check Donnie’s lab next. The inside was pitch black aside from the red glow covering the ceiling. Raph reached in from the doorway and flicked on the light switch. The lights didn’t turn on. He flicked it off and then on again. Nothing.

“Donnie…?” he called into the dark room. There was no response. He tried flicking the light switch on and off again a few more times. Still no change.

Okay. Donnie wouldn’t work in a room with bad lighting, never-mind No Lighting, so Don definitely wasn’t in there probably.

Raph scrambled back down the hall. He reached a hand out to catch the doorframe to stop himself as he burst into the kitchen. He didn’t see anyone in the faint glow. He tried flicking the light switch a few times. It wasn’t working. There was nobody there.

“No, they’re here- they’re fine,” Raph assured himself as he dove back into the hallway. “They’re **definitely** watching a movie, and they’re **okay**.” That had to be it. That was the only thing that made sense. They had to be-

Raph held his breath as he peered into the TV room, and then relaxed. The projector was on: flashing a screen of static onto the wall. He exhaled. He was right, they had just fallen asleep watching movies again.

Raph turned his gaze to sweep the room, scanning the floor and couch for his brothers.

There was no one there.

That didn’t make sense.

They had to be in the lair. They had talked just a little bit ago. He had seen Donnie and Mikey go into their rooms, exhausted, right before he’d gone to his own… Wait. He’d gone to bed. He didn’t remember getting up to go to the training room. How did he get there? How did… was this all a dream? No, it couldn’t be- it’d felt too real. Then how…?

Raph could feel himself shaking as he noticed how dark the floor was. The shadows had claimed it, just like back in the room when-

Raph spun around. On the hallway wall behind him, carved out against the red glow, was the shadow of that figure. He could see their dark hood and eyes clearly. They looked back at him. Had they been watching him this whole time?

He didn’t know if he was terrified or furious or something else, or maybe a combination of things, but, whatever it was, he was feeling a lot of it. Raph marched back up to them.

**“What’s going on here?”**

_“You’re going to need to be more specific than that.”_

“This,” Raph gestured around him. “Is this all a dream?”

They shrugged. _“Yes? Of course it is.”_

“Okay,” Raph exhaled as he looked around. All he had to do was wake up, then. That should be easy enough.

He pinched himself on the arm. Nothing changed. Maybe that whole pinching thing didn’t work to make people wake up from a dream. Or maybe it had to be their real life self, not their dream self, that was being pinched?

This was his dream though, so if he focused hard enough he should be able to wake up, right?

A deep breath in… and out. He put his hands up by the side of his head and whispered to himself, “Focus, Raph.” Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

The figure tilted their head to the side as they watched him.

_“…What are you doing?”_

“I’m trying to wake up.”

_“…You think you can wake up?”_

A cold chill gripped Raph’s shell like claws of ice. What did that mean?

He knew this had felt too real. So what- was this a yokai who’d mystic’d themself into his dream or something? What did they want?

The icy chill gripped him harder and rattled him to the core as he realized that, earlier, they’d said that they’d spoken with his brothers. Were the others trapped like he was, or had this figure come for him last? His mouth turned dry. Raph spun around to face the figure again.

**“What’d you do with my brothers?”**

The figure met his gaze without flinching.

_“I haven’t done anything to them. They’re occupying themselves.”_

Raph growled. He didn’t believe a word of that. Without thinking, Raph plunged his hand into the wall and grabbed the shadow. The walls screeched, like nails against chalkboard, as he pulled the shadow out of the bricks. They didn’t want to come out. Their face started to tear apart, forming a mouth, as Raph peeled them from the wall.

And then they were free.

The figure looked down at Raph, his hand was gripped tightly around the chest of their cloak. Raph held them high in the air. A jagged, jack-o-lantern-esque, frown painted the figure's face.

“I’m done playing your games,” Raph announced. He held his other hand behind him in a fist. “I **know** something’s up and you’re the reason why. How do I wake up? **Where Are My Brothers?** ”

The figure shrugged. They were tired of this: of being here, of these inane questions they couldn’t answer. Always so tired. Maybe this would solve their problem.

_“Maybe you should go look for them.”_

Raph punched them back into the wall.

He didn’t wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter in part two, and then we're on to the main event (and figuring out what the heck is going on here / what _that_ was about)


	6. Splinter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's getting late and Leo's growing tired. Leo has a talk with Splinter and thinks over what he should do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few more chapters folks- I should be able to put on the final chapter count with the next chapter.
> 
> I've also added a few warning tags (namely implied death & fire - no one's going to actively die in this fic, it's more just a subject that comes up when things get heated)

“Do you wish to talk, Blue?”

With a gasp, Leo froze where he was in the hallway, just outside of the tv room.

Pale light flickered through the doorway. His father continued,

“You have been pacing up and down the hall for _two_ commercial breaks now. If you have something you need to talk about, I am here.”

Leo gripped the hilt of his sword tighter as his nervousness bubbled higher. He took in a deep breath, held it, and then exhaled slowly. Just as Splinter had taught them. He tried to envision his anxiety leaving out on the breath he exhaled. It worked a bit, but the pit of dread in his heart remained.

“Maybe…” he murmured. Leo stepped into the doorway and looked around. The room was dark aside from the light of the projector spitting Splinter’s selected tv station onto the far wall. It was muted. A small silhouette poked out in front of the image as Splinter leaned over the side of his char to look at him.

Leon shifted his weight. His gaze fell away.

He didn’t know what it was exactly - maybe feeling stupid, maybe not wanting to burden others, maybe something else - but he thought to say something to excuse his actions and leave. No words left his mouth. Instead, he stood in the doorway silently with his gaze on the ground and his mouth left open waiting for an excuse to escape. He didn’t have any excuses.

Splinter’s tone was more adamant as he spoke this time.

“You need to talk. Come here.”

Leo closed his mouth and did as he was told.

He walked around to the font of the chair, set his sword down, and sat on the ground on his knees before it.

“Now tell me, Blue, what is troubling you so much?”

Leo took in another breath.

“...Raph, Mikey, and Don have been asleep all day.”

“And you are worried?”

**Yes.**

Leo shrugged. “I guess… I know we were all pretty worn out from fighting The Shredder and, you know, everything that happened... but it felt like things were maybe starting to get back to normal, and… now they’re back to sleeping all day.”

Splinter nodded.

“I know this may seem like a step backward,” he started, “but recovery is not a linear process. What you faced was no ordinary battle- it is to be expected that it will take longer to recover from this.”

“Yeah…”

Maybe Splinter was right and they were just tired from everything. Maybe that conversation about Don’s shell had stirred everything back up and exhausted them again. This still didn’t feel right, but what else could it be? There wasn-

“Leonardo.” Broken out of his thoughts and stunned, Leo looked up at Splinter. “I am sorry that you and your brothers have had to face this.”

“…What?”

Splinter flicked an ear, and his gaze drifted away for a moment, ashamed.

“I knew of my family’s duty of preventing The Shredder from escaping, and I turned my back on it. It is because of my negligence that The Foot were able to collect the pieces of the dark armor and summon The Shredder, and it is because of my negligence that you have had to face it.”

“Dad…” Leo narrowed his eyes as he worked through his shock and fatigue to process everything that Splinter was saying. “Why are you saying this?”

“That battle against The Shredder - a creature said to be capable of bringing the end of the world - was a battle that you should not have had to fight, but you did, and, against all of the odds, you won. You and your brothers have done what should have been impossible, and in that you have saved the world. I could not be more proud of you all.”

Leo could feel his mouth quiver. Every muscle in his being was tense, he was shaking. He felt on the verge of crying. Splinter opened his arms to him, and Leo dashed in for a hug.

“My son,” Splinter sighed, holding him tight. “Nothing is impossible for you. I know it may feel easy to doubt yourself when you have been through so much, but you have done well.”

“Thank you,” Leo murmured back. He held the hug for a few heartbeats longer before exhaling and then pulling away.

Splinter looked at him.

“You have good instincts,” he affirmed. “You should make sure to listen to them.”

“Yeah…” Leo picked his sword back up off of the ground.

“Thanks for talking with me.”

“Anytime.”

With that, Leo started to head back out of the room only to stop in the doorway as Splinter called back to him.

“You should try to get some sleep too- you look very tired.”

The mention of sleep left his stomach turning. Dread burrowed into his chest.

The thought of sleeping right now felt wrong. Maybe because that was what he was worried about his brothers doing and they hadn’t waken up yet. For whatever reason…

He decided to go check on them again. Without another word, Leo stepped back out into the dark halls. Exhausted or not, it was time to face the unknown.

The sewers were empty.

Raph had run out of the lair after punching that shadow creep back into the wall. Now he navigated the sewers like a maze: sprinting down hall after hall, unable to see more than five feet ahead through the darkness. The darkness constantly threatened to swallow him whole; it never did. And the shadow hadn’t shown their face again.

This wasn’t alright. He could feel that much. But he was going to make it alright. He was going to find his brothers and they were all going to get out of this together- that much he was certain on.

And so, Raph ran through the sewers. There were no manholes above him, no marks on the walls, no discernable way back. All these halls were the same. He had to keep going.

The water was warm as he waded in.

Mikey had grown tired of sitting on the roof. Alone in the silence. Maybe he should have gone with that weird figure when they said they were leaving. He hadn’t seen them since. He hadn’t seen anyone.

The city was empty. He wasn’t sure if he had ever felt this alone. After sitting in the night, watching the water for who knows how long, he had decided to climb down from the roof and wade in. He knew there should be an entryway into the sewers somewhere around here. If this dream was going to go on like this, then he’d rather return to the comforts of home.

He scanned the area, but the entryway didn’t come into view. He tried calling his brothers names. He tried calling for anyone. His voice never seemed to make it far, as if stolen by an unfelt wind. Not that it mattered. He knew he was alone. Mikey sighed and looked back up on land.

Metal crates stretched across the docks, to the horizon and back.

The moon had faded long ago without so much as a goodbye, and not soon after, Don had fallen out of the sky. Back into his labyrinth of crates. He was being hunted again, but this time was different.

He had to get out of here or find his brothers. He had to do something to change how this was going. Maybe this was a dream and it didn’t matter if or how many times he was caught, but that didn’t matter. He didn’t want to be here. This nightmare had to end.

Don ducked behind another crate and paused to catch his breath. The air was starting to feel thin. His heart was pounding in his head. Another few heartbeats and he decided he had been standing there long enough.

Don tried to step forward only to find that one of his legs was plastered to the crate. He looked down to find more spiderwebs along the wall, holding him where he was. His breath hitched in his throat as he pulled and struggled to free himself, but to no avail. He was stuck.

Light footsteps sounded from down the dark corridor of crates beside him. He’d been found. His gaze flickered between the darkness and the spiderwebs he was stuck in as he pulled harder. He didn’t want to-

“Donnie.”

Don froze. That wasn’t the voice he’d been expecting.

“I know you probably can’t hear me since you’re asleep and all,” Leo said as he settled down next to Don’s bed. He set his sword down across his lap. “I… have no clue what I’m doing, to be honest. I can’t sleep, you guys aren’t waking up, I have **no clue why** or if something’s wrong or if there’s something - anything - I should be doing about this, or that I **can** do about this… I just don’t know…”

He took in a deep breath, and sighed.

“I guess that’s probably why I came to you. Not that you can say or do anything when you’re asleep like this, but yeah.” Leo looked down at Don. He didn’t stir. Leo frowned.

“Anyways,” he continued, “I felt like maybe I should come here and try to figure this out? To talk through this and work it out? If something **is** wrong… I don’t… I don’t know.

“But I’m here. That’s the important thing, right? That I’m here for you guys, and we’re gonna figure this out…”

Leo leaned up against the bed. “…I’m here, D.”

Static crawled up his shell.

* * *

_you dream of more, dream you were more,_

_dream you were brave_

_and do you stop there? in dreams?_

_telling yourself that you’re incapable in waking. listening and giving in to the sweet comfort of your fears. forgetting bravery only exists for the afraid, because we’re afraid, because our hearts didn’t stop regardless_

_and willingly forgetting your achievements, letting go of who you’ve been, because it’s tired you. and there’s no shame in being tired, but perhaps there is in ignoring your heart to dream,_

_and in leaving behind everything that ever made you feel awake and alive_

_you’re tired, yes, but you’re still here,_

_so gather the weary and wakeful alike, and tell them something more than a story_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you like to save before continuing?


End file.
